I LIKE ME

 

The most books I have read and reviewed in a year was 57 (2015). I began to loose my love for reading because the material I received did not interest me.  As a child I could not read enough Historical novels and because I was always on punishment for some “minor” infraction, reading was essential to my sanity. A YouTube channel "Townsends"  reminded me of my fascination of how people lived in history and my love of the simple life. A Facebook friend inspired me to look deeper into the subjects that fascinated me.  All of these seeds planted in my soul is what has brought me to today.

I remember accompanying my mother to a meeting she had to attend along with my brother, we stayed in this historical house. The bedrooms were massive and the stair ways were grand. It was elegance to the utmost. I vaguely remember being in that historic mansion but as a child I did not fully appreciate the significance of my mother being one of the people who was in attendance or me being allowed to accompany her. This memory, of ultimate elegance is branded in my mind as I look around at the world today and see expensive trash presented as style. 

My desires and personal pleasures have remained dormant for so many years. I have compromised my identity.  Not everyone can appreciate my conservative dress, my head covering, my desire not to “hang-out”. Living a credit cardless lifestyle seems barbaric to most and twice last year I almost gave in. 

People think my making soap and candles is cute. Making my own clothes is admirable to some but they don’t get the long skirts! Often people ask me why I don’t sell the quilts I make but these are the same people who don’t want to pay full price for a bar of homemade soap. 

Do you know how much negativity I received when I told people I grew cotton? Spinning it was one thing but growing it? No one is forcing me to grow cotton, I don’t have to grow it and sell it to make ends meet. I grow cotton because I want to. 

My point is, I don’t want to be a Baby Boomer, I don’t want to be a strong Black woman, I don’t want to be an African-American, I really am not pressed to become a multi-millionaire. Even as a child, I did not have the same desires as other people my age. I have always been different.

The "Virus" did not create problems or opportunities for me but the slow down of society as a whole helped give me time to think.

"GIVE US THIS DAY our daily bread"; I believe in tomorrows but I will appreciate today. The “virus” allowed me time to evaluate where I was and where I wanted to go. The conclusions I came to were ideologies I had developed around the time I turned 50 and were solidified when I turned 60. I realized in February of 2020 that I liked me; “the virus” confirmed who did not like me. 

The things I write are the things I have learned, some the hard way others through the experiences of others. I tell a lot of my business in my writings, as I often tell my daughters: I talk about me because I don’t want to talk about others. Yes, I have done things that I am ashamed of but I am not embarrassed by my life. NO ONE SHOULD EVER ALLOW LIFE TO EMBARRASS THEM to the extent that they cannot boldly move on.

If you have read my ramblings to this point, THANK YOU. I write for two reasons: 1) it is therapy for me 2) there is always that one person that my words help- I WRITE FOR THAT ONE PERSON. I want people, women in particular to not be ashamed of who they are IF there life agrees with the Word and the will of Abba Father.  

December 31.2020 I confirmed with myself: I like me. On January 1, 2021 I gave myself permission to return to my first love God and be all that He wants me to be. Three major life changes will occur the first 6 months of 2021: I will get a divorce, I will no longer refer to myself as non-denominational but Anglican and I will be moving to another state. In 20 years I never really fit in Miami because I was never supposed to. There are some who loved and liked me here but not many, most just needed the services I could provide: prayer, sitting with a family member, listening, counseling and such. As I wrote in my last post: “IT IS TIME TO GROW UP!” 

                                                             written by Marsha L F Randolph

NETTIE-OLOGY /NETTIE-ISM reflects the opinions of and is the soul property of the author MARSHA L F RANDOLPH. All rights reserved- do not use without permission. Disagreeing with what is written is not offensive to the author a disagreeable comment will be deleted. 

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